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Life’s Toughest Lessons Are Surprisingly Simple

  • Steve Nguyen, PhD
  • Feb 15
  • 5 min read

I've discovered that life's toughest, most difficult lessons are actually quite simple! What's more, although some of these life lessons can be very painful, long, and taxing, they also turn out to be extremely rewarding and even life-changing!


  1. The first life lesson is that your life is your own, and you should never feel pressured to have someone else live their life vicariously through you. 


  2. The second life lesson is that you can change your life by changing your attitude and perspective.


LIFE LESSON 1 - YOUR LIFE IS YOUR OWN


For most of my young adult life, beginning in my late teens and ending in my early thirties, I was unsuccessfully and quite miserably living out the wishes, dreams, and expectations of my parents. I enrolled in and took numerous pre-med courses (including Organic Chemistry and Calculus) because I was not brave enough (and also was very lost) to stand up to my parents — who expected me to become a medical doctor. I felt extremely pressured by my mom and dad and their expectations and even anticipations that I, too, would one day become a physician like my father. 


I spent many years being lost and feeling aimless, scared I would disappoint my parents (only to end up doing it anyway — in a spectacular manner) and too scared to follow my own heart because I was afraid of the unknown. 


Throughout my 20s and into my early 30s, I experienced what’s described as “crystallization of discontent” moments. The crystallization of discontent “signals the arrival of the straw that breaks the proverbial camel’s back. Rather than seeing our situation as a collection of isolated bad days, we realise that if we don’t act, we are signing ourselves up for a series of bad years” (White, 2005).


As a result of my “crystallization of discontent” moments, I had to intentionally stop doing what I felt was not in my best interest, commit to a course of action, and invest time, money, and effort into a new course of action. In my case, I had to do this several times (e.g., stopping my pre-med studies when I was almost complete with the entire program during my junior year in undergrad for my Bachelor's; pivoting away from counseling AFTER I had already completed my Master’s in Counseling Psychology; and going back to school for my PhD to study Industrial-Organizational Psychology). 


Had I not turned away from counseling and taken a job in a school system over 7,000 away on a tropical island called Saipan, my life would be very different today. Indeed, that job in Saipan ultimately changed not only my career trajectory but also my life. In fact, it was this decision that eventually led me to the training/learning & development and leadership & talent development space. And it was on the island of Saipan that I met and married my wife! 


Ironically, I’m now a “doctor,” with my Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) degree. My MBA students sometimes call me “doctor” instead of professor. I’m just not a medical doctor. The funny thing is that I’m certain my late mom was still quite disappointed that I didn’t end up as a medical doctor. After all, in the Vietnamese culture, physicians are highly regarded and even placed on a pedestal. 


It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that, regardless of what my mother wanted for me and expected of me (i.e., to become a physician), I had to live my own life. In the end, not doing what my mom wanted — to go to medical school, graduate, and let her (as she puts it) “hang on to your medical degree for safekeeping” in case I ever need it — led to a much happier and more fulfilling career and life for me. 


“Be brave enough to live the life of your dreams according to your vision and purpose instead of the expectations and opinions of others.” ―Roy T. Bennett

LIFE LESSON 2 - CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE & PERSPECTIVE, CHANGE YOUR LIFE


For some people, being negative and complaining comes naturally. I should know. I'm a reformed complainer.  When I was a preteen, I had a very bad habit of being negative, pessimistic, and complaining. I saw what wasn't working, what could go wrong, and made sure to point it out. 


It wasn't until one day when a friend made this passing comment, “Why do you complain so much?” that it finally dawned on me. At first, it stung because it was true and I didn't want to admit it to myself. But when I stepped back and thought long and hard about this question and let it truly sink into my soul, I knew I had to change.


One of the hardest things to change is ourselves. If we're not careful, we become complacent and allow our bad habits (e.g., thinking and doing without considering) to dominate. We're accustomed to being a certain way, and our habits and patterns of behaviors become attached to us and our sense of identity. Regarding my bad habit of being negative and complaining, others started seeing me as the guy who always sees the negative side of things and who complains or whines too much.  


It took many years of persistent self-reminding (to not be negative and not complain) and a more consistent pattern of positive thoughts and behaviors (to see the positive and be thankful) to FINALLY break free of this bad habit. In addition, surrounding myself with positive, encouraging, and uplifting people helped tremendously.


“We’re dissatisfied with our jobs, our relationships, our place in the world. We’re trying to get somewhere, but something stands in the way. So we do nothing. We blame our bosses, the economy, our politicians, other people, or we write ourselves off as failures or our goals as impossible. When really only one thing is at fault: our attitude and approach.” —Ryan Holiday


“If you took one-tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you'd be surprised by how well things can work out... Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier.” ―Randy Pausch


In his book “The Happiness Advantage,” Shawn Achor talks about a technique call “The Tetris Effect.” It's a way to train your mind to concentrate on the positives instead of the negatives in your daily life. Achor cites a research study that found people who wrote down three good/positive things each day for a week were happier and less depressed at the 1-month, 3-month, and 6-month follow-ups.


“The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. Your soul takes on the color of your thoughts.” —Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 5.16


Written By: Steve Nguyen, Ph.D.

Organizational & Leadership Development Leader


References


Achor, S. (2010). The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work. Crown Publishing Group.


Aurelius, M. (2002). Meditations (G. Hays, Trans.). The Modern Library.


Bennett, R. T. (2020). The Light in the Heart: Inspirational Thoughts for Living Your Best Life. Roy Bennett.


Holiday, R. (2014). The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph. Portfolio.


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